Wedding Weekend: Loves & Loathes
J and I got married in a courthouse ceremony on May 3rd, 2024 and had an entire weekend celebration with four different events: ceremony, formal family dinner, brunch, and reception. I planned the whole thing, and needless to say, I have thoughts lol. There were so many things that didn’t go the way I wanted them to, but there were even more things that turned out way better than I could have imagined. If I could do it all over again, this is what I would do differently and what I would keep the same:
KEEP THE SAME: Picking the day based on astrology
When it came to our wedding day, we were really flexible about everything- well, except the date. Over a decade ago, I read this wedding astrology book which led me to have very specific requirements for my future wedding date: it cannot be during a Mercury retrograde, has to be during an astrological season that’s compatible with both of our birth charts, and the actual numbers had to feel right. I know that sounds insane, but I’m so glad I did this. I felt that by putting so much thought and care into picking the date, I had set the intention for our big day (and the anniversaries to follow) to be nothing but special. It gave me a peace of mind that I don’t think I would have gotten if we chose our date based solely on venue availability or convenience.
CHANGE: Being indecisive about our wedding plans in the early stages and trying to people-please
We didn’t intend to have this whole extravaganza. In fact, we wanted to do a destination wedding with only our immediate family. But we got a lot of pushback from a lot of people, and suddenly our wedding was local, had multiple events and a guest list of 90 people- the exact opposite of what we wanted. Our wedding had become about everyone but us, and this set the tone for how I would navigate the rest of wedding planning. And this is no one’s fault but my own. I wish so badly that I could go back and tell myself I didn’t need everyone’s thoughts and opinions, and that what other people wanted didn’t matter. If I could do it all over again, I would plan the wedding start to finish without a single word, send the invites and deal with the chaos later. Because chaos still ensued even though we did everything we could to avoid it by “being flexible”.
KEEP THE SAME: Having multiple events
I LOVED having multiple events where some felt more special and intimate than others. For example, we invited 24 people to our courthouse ceremony and then had a formal dinner immediately after with even fewer people. It felt so special to be able to talk to every single person there and not feel like I was making “rounds”. The next day, we hosted a brunch at our house and invited family and friends so they could see our new home. Later that evening, we had our reception with friends, family, their plus ones, and a few party crashers (I stopped caring before this party even started lol). The weekend started small and progressively got bigger, which was so much less stressful for us. Plus, I got to have 4 different outfits and what bride doesn’t love that?
CHANGE: Timing of events
The timing of our 4 events were very off. We didn’t think about what guests would do in between each one, we just knew we had to change and get to where we were going next. In between our ceremony and our dinner, we allotted 2 hours for pictures, changing, and getting to the restaurant. But then it rained, so our picture hour was cut down to about 5 minutes. Some guests went to a bar, some guests drove around downtown, others literally waited in their car in the parking garage. I felt terrible. The same thing happened on Saturday. If I could do it all over again, I would plan the timing much more carefully, or at least extend all of the events so they ran into each other and we could leave to do what we needed to do. Side note: J has also said he wishes we had way more time for the brunch because it felt rushed.
KEEP THE SAME: No first dances, no slow music
We were really going against the grain with this one. J and I are not performative people (or at least we aren’t nowadays). Neither of us wanted an “all eyes on us” moment, especially if it wasn’t 100% necessary. So we decided to scratch the first dances, with each other and with parents. In fact when we booked our DJ, we asked him to avoid slow music altogether and not to take requests from guests. I can’t tell you how many people came up to me during the reception and asked when the slow dancing would start because they weren’t comfortable dancing to the music we chose. Which I understood, but did not care about. We had made so many accommodations for other people at the expense of our happiness and I was not budging on this one. What mattered to me was that J and I got to dance, sweat, and jump around for 3 straight hours, which is what we like to do. We’ve never been slow dancing people. The last 30 minutes of our reception, we asked the DJ to play country music for our guests, and I used this time to start telling everyone bye. We do not regret this one bit!
CHANGE: Not having a photographer or videographer
This is the part where money started to become our biggest issue, as it is with every wedding. I’ll spare you the details, but we thought we were saving money by doing a backyard situation. Spoiler- we were not. Unlike an all inclusive venue, we had to book each vendor individually which got expensive fast and we decided that having a photographer was not a financial priority. We still have some pictures from the weekend thanks to family and their phones, but we do not have the shots I wanted, like the nice-looking “candid” shots. All of the pictures we have are standard, posed pictures standing side by side and smiling, and to be honest I hate most of them. I don’t have any nice pictures of our outfits, my bouquet, our rings, any detail shots. And I am mad mad mad about this. I haven’t looked back at any of the pictures from our wedding because the memories in my head are better than the pictures on my phone. If I had known how much this would upset me, I would’ve skipped out on all decor and maybe one of my outfits just to have paid for the photographer.
KEEP THE SAME: Having family use our video camera and film cameras
This relates to point number 6, but we purchased a video camera for $150 and it was so worth it. What we didn’t have in photos we had in video and that was enough for me. I would be able to show my kids these videos and we could relive the day over and over through a rewatch. We also passed out film cameras for the courthouse because there were no phones allowed inside, and this was nice because everyone was in the present moment. However I can’t speak to the quality of the pictures because I am still waiting to get my film developed (keep your fingers crossed for me).
CHANGE: Not having an engagement party, bachelor/bachelorette parties, bridal shower, or honeymoon
Again, a money thing. And truthfully, we didn’t know how to go about it. Were we supposed to throw these things ourselves? We didn’t have anyone offer, and we weren’t going to push people to do it for us, so they didn’t happen. Although I will say my aunt was insistent on throwing me a bridal shower, and at the time it felt like a lot of effort and money for a party that I didn’t get the concept of, so I said no (now that I’m on the other side, I regret not letting her do this SO MUCH). As for a honeymoon, we had just bought our first house 4 months prior which was an enormous expense. We decided to put what was left of our savings toward fixing up the house. In hindsight, I realized we have years and years to fix up the house, and I wish we had done the honeymoon instead.
KEEP THE SAME: Asking guests to avoid posting us on social media
My husband has been off of social media since 2018, and I stopped posting myself back in fall of 2022 (although I consider going back literally every day). I can’t speak for my husbands reasonings, but mine was that I just didn’t like the idea of being perceived anymore, especially by people I wasn’t regularly talking to or seeing in person. The idea of people posting pictures of us from our wedding weekend when we weren’t even posting ourselves felt like an invasion of privacy. So we asked people not to post us on the internet. Truthfully, I have no idea if anyone actually respected this request, but if it was out of sight it was out of mind for me. Just knowing we asked made me feel like I had personal autonomy and a little control over image!
KEEP THE SAME: Making my own bouquet
Believe it or not this idea did not originate as a way to save money but boy did it! I really wanted to grow my own flowers for my bouquet and had picked beautiful varieties of flower seeds. We were right on schedule with growth until multiple storms followed by weeks of drought killed my seedlings before they bloomed. Plan B was to go to the store and buy whatever flowers they had and DIY it. I’m so glad I did this because it came out great and I think I probably spent $20 on my bouquet (about $15 for the flower bundles and $5 for the ribbon).
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